Regret
by Clez
Summary: Just how does Jonas cope with his involvement in Daniel's demise? R&R please. Thanks :


REGRET  
  
  
  
Jonas Quinn finished wrapping the strip of cloth around his left hand, and looked across the large training room to Teal'c.  
  
The tall, dark Jaffa wore pads on his hands, ready and waiting for the Kelownan to begin his routine training. He watched Jonas pensively, and raised a single eyebrow.  
  
The younger alien shrugged his shoulders, ridding them of the tension that resided there. His loose black vest hung over him, the baggy item of clothing letting the cool breeze in. It was surprisingly warm in the room.  
  
"Are you ready to begin, Jonas Quinn?" Teal'c inquired patiently, raising his hands, pads at the ready.  
  
Jonas moved over to Teal'c, and nodded.  
  
"Strike the pads alternately," Teal'c instructed him, to which he nodded once again.  
  
As he hit the pads with his balled-up fists, he let his thoughts wander, and they strayed to the corner of his busy mind, where they normally did.  
  
He heard the bullets as they were fired non-stop at the protective glass until the magazine had clicked on empty.  
  
He remembered the force of being thrown to the ground moments before the gunfire.  
  
The sound of the shattering glass filled his memory as the man had jumped through it without a second thought.  
  
And then the silence. The eerie silence that had filled his entire being with dread... terrified him to his very core.  
  
He had looked up and over the edge of the frame of what had been a protective glass-shield to radiation.  
  
Doctor Daniel Jackson had been simply standing there, holding his hand in sheer disbelief as to his actions.  
  
"Are you alright, Jonas Quinn?" he heard the calm voice of Teal'c ask, jogging his mind back into the present.  
  
He looked up at the Jaffa, and realised his hands had fallen to his sides. He had blanked out again.  
  
"It should have been me," he mumbled in regret, running his wrapped palm over his damp hair.  
  
"To what are you referring?" the larger and older -not to mention stronger- alien asked him.  
  
Jonas' mind chattered madly, the throbbing of a headache beginning to surface in his temples. "Dr. Jackson... it should have been me."  
  
Teal'c did not lower his hands as he said stoically, "We do not presume that you did not do all that you could, Jonas Quinn." Then he added, "You are not to blame."  
  
"Yes," he corrected instantly, "I am."  
  
With that, he took to punching the pads again, his blows becoming more and more violent and forceful as he spoke sincerely, his words blunt and to the point.  
  
"I should have been the one to jump through that glass and deactivate the device. I should have been the one to stick my hand in there, contaminating myself with fatal radiation. It was my world, and my responsibility to save it, dammit!"  
  
He released all his strength into the next blow, practically shouting as he said, "I should have died!"  
  
Without realising, he had slammed his fish into the pad so hard he had clean knocked it off Teal'c's hand.  
  
Still infuriated, Jonas grabbed up the nearest object, and threw it with all his might, smashing the little window in the wall.  
  
The small weight crashed to the floor in a rain of glass, followed by splinters from the window's frame.  
  
He panted heavily, perspiration beading his forehead, and causing his vest to cling to his body. His hair was positively soaked with sweat.  
  
His whole body shook, and his fists were clenched so hard his knuckles had turned white.  
  
Walking the short distance across the room, Jonas sank heavily to a bench, and hung his head in his hands in remorse.  
  
He had only known Dr. Jackson a matter of hours, but he had learned enough to know that the human's endeavours outmatched the Kelownan's by a mile. There was no way to compare the achievements.  
  
Daniel had simply been a better man, and he had suffered horribly for it, meeting a terrible and inescapable end.  
  
"Jonas Quinn," Teal'c began sternly, tossing the pads lightly to the ground, "the actions of Daniel Jackson were unexpected by all... but it was his choice to save your world. In no way are to blame. We do not wish that you had been the one to die, and although we mourn his passing, we do not blame you for the demise of Daniel Jackson."  
  
Feeling smaller than he had ever felt before, Jonas raised his aching head, and looked Teal'c in the eye.  
  
"You have more than proved yourself to us and this planet, Jonas Quinn," Teal'c told him, coming to stand over him, "and I am honoured to stand beside you in battle."  
  
Jonas looked shamefully to the shattered window, down at his bruised knuckles, and then finally back up at Teal'c.  
  
His friend bowed his head to him in respect and compassionate acknowledgement.  
  
"Thank you." 


End file.
